9 Months

“You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone’s soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows that they might do because of it, because of your words. That is your role, your gift.”

— Erin Morgenstern

It's been a fruitful period since I last wrote nine months ago. My creative life has been full to bursting with positivity, and I'm feeling in the flow of things. I hesitate to use the word "blessed," since it's become quite the overused, humble-brag hashtag these days, so perhaps I'll use a slightly less tainted adjective to describe how I feel these days: grateful. I'm so grateful to be right where I am in this present moment, grateful that my circumstances allow me to pursue my path without distractions, grateful for the extraordinary people I'm able to work with, the new experiences I've had, the new places I've been, the new skills I've learned...

In September of 2015 I decided that my marketing materials were finally up to snuff, so I signed up for "Talent Link" (through Breakdown Services) and was contacted by two management companies and an Atlanta-based agent. I was initially disappointed that I didn't get any interest from LA agents, but after talking with Danita Florance at Salt Model and Talent in Atlanta, I decided to take the leap and sign with her. She's a true Southern spitfire, full of charm, spunk and drive, and I'd be surprised if there were a person on earth who had the ability to say no to her. She strongly encouraged me to sign with her and told me that I'd definitely find work in Atlanta. Of course, I'd have to be a 'local hire,' which meant that I'd have to fly myself out and put myself up if I booked a job, but I decided to go for it. Being a middle-aged actor with zero current TV/Film credits in LA is a huge liability. Danita assured me that casting directors are far more welcoming to actors with limited credits in Atlanta--they're just looking for talent. I realized that this would be the perfect way for me to get in the side door of the biz. It took five months of sending in self-taped auditions before I booked a pilot for ABC called"The Jury"--directed by Neil Burger, created by Carol Mendelsohn (NCIS). My character is recurring, so if it gets picked up, I'll shoot at least one more episode! I shot my scenes on March 23, and had the best time. I felt completely at ease without an ounce of nerves, and knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I'm so glad to be represented by Danita, and have a feeling this is just the beginning. An added bonus: Salt is opening an LA office! Much happiness abounds.

In October, "The Moment I Was Alone" was in the Carmel International Film Festival, and my friend Stacey and I took a road trip up there to be a part of the fun. I loved hearing the excited buzz about Kellen Gibbs, our talented young director, and being a part of the Q&A after the screening. The film is absolutely gorgeous, and I know that he's going to have much success. A couple months later, my performance was nominated for Best Supporting Actress when the film showed at the Idyllwild Festival of Cinema (which I wasn't able to attend). This surprised me somewhat, because my entire performance had to be dubbed due to a loud generator on set which ruined the sound! People are always shocked when I tell them that, but I can certainly tell that it's not my original performance on screen. The film has been in several other festivals and has won numerous awards, which doesn't surprise me in the least.

In February, I was thrilled to perform in the world-premiere of "Ameryka," after 6 years of development with Nancy Keystone and Critical Mass Performance Group. We had a catastrophic opening night: with a sold-out house of dear friends, creative glitterati and critics galore, our sound system completely crashed and we weren't able to perform the show. In 30 years of working with Nancy, nothing like that had ever happened before, and it was a huge blow. Most of the friends and creatives were able to come back another time, but we only managed to get 2 published reviews, both of which were positive.  The LA Times was there on opening night and did not return, alas. We did get a flurry of reviewers in during the last two weeks, no doubt for awards consideration. Aside from that kerfuffle, the experience was a dream. Audiences were wildly enthusiastic, we had exciting ancillary events like live jazz and political poster-making in the lobby, Madeleine Brand interviewed Jody-David Armour following a matinee performance, and the famous Polish dissident, writer and newspaper publisher Adam Michnik spoke before one show, followed by a wine reception sponsored by the Polish Consulate. There was much talk of the need to take the show to Poland, and Adam Michnik assigned a couple of Polish people to write a major article about the show for his newspaper (which is like the New York Times of Poland). He called Ameryka "a profoundly important cultural event." It speaks powerfully of the human need and desire for Justice, and with the takeover of the Polish government by the right wing, many Polish audience members told us how valuable it would be for the Polish people to see our show. It closed on March 6. I imagine that it will live again, but at the moment we're waiting for our angel to appear who will take us to the next stop on the Ameryka train. It may take some time, but I am confident that one will arrive.

The last thing I'll mention is perhaps the most important thing (at least to me). During a guided meditation, a vision came to me of a short film that I was to write and perform in about climate change. I saw images from the film, in which I played different women speaking from the heart about their personal relationship with the earth, with the idea of climate change, with their hopes and fears for the future. The women hailed from all over the world, and not all of them believed that climate change was a problem. Some were funny as hell, some were profane, some were educated, some were not. I realized that I needed to make this film as a way to touch the hearts and minds of people regarding this issue, because so many people seem to be asleep, and it's crucial that they wake up--Now.  I've started writing a treatment, trying to discover who these women are and what they need to say and how best to say it.

I have often wondered why the hell I was tapped to be an actor in this life. Certainly there are far more useful things one could be doing with one's time, especially in this age of careening global climate catastrophe threatening to slam into our whisper-thin, sugar-glass windshield. Acting can be such a silly, superficial thing so much of the time that sometimes I find myself embarrassed by what it is that I do. But truth be told, I have never been driven by money or fame (which must be why I'm so stinking rich and successful!). What I've finally come to realize about myself and the gifts that I've been given is that I have been placed here on this earth at this precise, catastrophic moment in order to embody hope for humanity, to channel the light-filled stories that people need to hear, to inspire them to take positive action, to co-create a healthier, more sustainable future for all the creatures that live and breathe on this earth, not just people. I am part of that ancient, noble lineage of humans who have stood by the fire and told stories, trying to make sense of it all for the tribe, passing down the wisdom so that it is not forgotten but lingers in heart, mind, spirit, blood, sinew and bone.

It is my intention, then, to walk down this path that I'm on full-to-bursting with that light and that mission. I may not be able to fulfill my goal with every single job that I do, but I'll hold it in my heart not matter what.

Fish Gotta Swim

“You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.”

— - Rabindranath Tagore

Diving is exhilarating--you take that leap into the air and for a few seconds, oh, you're flying.  If you don't organize your entry into the water properly, though, you can get smacked hard. So you focus your intentions on exactly where and how you want to enter the water, you summon your body to perform its task, and you see yourself in your mind's eye slipping effortlessly into the water with barely a splash.

Swimming is glorious, too, the way gravity loses its oppressive hold on you for a while, and you feel an exquisite serenity just floating there.  Below the surface, you cut through the water like an elegant knife.  Swimming laps, on the other hand, takes stamina, muscle, breath, grit.  It's not quite fun until, after much practice, you fall into a rhythm and your body takes over. It knows what to do, and all you have to do is observe and allow.

Since launching this website and diving in to the wider acting world, I have floated effortlessly, I have paddled aimlessly, I have smacked my head against the hard surface, I have glided like a cool, confident knife, and I have swum some laps, let me tell you.  I have also swum with some pretty wonderful fish and worked on some cool projects, which lets me know that I'm doing the right thing. I feel at home in the water, and I could swim for miles and miles.  Maybe not to Cuba.  But never say never.

Here are a few things I've done:

• I co-starred in a single-camera drama pilot produced by the USC School of Cinematic Arts called "The Comeback Kid," about a young pharmaceutical rep who becomes addicted to her product and ends up moving back home with her mom (that would be me) in order to get straight. It shot on weekends from November 2014 through March 2015, both on location (the "Desperate Housewives" set at Universal), and in the gorgeous soundstages at USC.  The directors were Angie Browne, Jake Orthwein and Clovis Ong. It was a talented bunch of people, from the crew to my fellow actors.  Really proud to have been a part of it.
• I shot a 2-character short film called "Hair," about a teenaged girl struggling with her mom over finding her own identity.  February 2015. Directed by Juliet Devette.
• Very proud to have been a part of a gorgeous short film called "The Moment I Was Alone," written and directed by Kellen Gibbs. It's the story of a young girl who gets separated from her mother on a crowded street--and the world freezes.  I play the girl as a middle-aged woman who returns to the frozen street scene to confront her unreachable, unknowable mother.  It's a beautiful, heartbreaking story.  Shot on the back lot at MBS Studios, June 2015. Currently in post-production.
• On the Critical Mass Performance Group front, I spent 2 weeks in Chapel Hill, North Carolina with select members of the company, from March 24-June 7.  We were invited by Joseph Haj to incubate a new work at PlayMakers Rep as part of a 3-year Mellon Foundation grant.  We delved in to the subject of Privacy, and met with various professors from the University of North Carolina, who shared their expertise with us in the areas of privacy law, cyber security and theology.  At the end of our sojourn, we presented a 40-minute excerpt to an invited audience of 50 people.  We hope to complete the piece in 2016 and present it in the first half of 2017.

In the spaces between the work, I vacillate between periods of pursuing the Biz and episodes of lassitude, which is the age-old struggle of any artist, I suppose.  My mother also suffered a stroke on March 10th and I've been her primary caretaker since then, which has been my honor to do for her.  Life, as always, is a constant unfolding of doing, being, knowing, learning and becoming.

And, of course...

Swimming.

Diving in

“I have three messages: one is we should never ever give up; two is you are never too old to chase your dreams; and three is it looks like a solitary sport but it takes a team.”

— Diana Nyad, 64, after swimming 110 miles from Cuba to Florida

I'm not one who tends to follow extreme sporting events, but for some reason I managed to catch Diana Nyad's incredible shore-coming on live TV on September 2, 2013.  Of course I was awestruck by her unfathomable strength and endurance at having swum so far for so long and in such brutal conditions.  No shark cage! Jellyfish stings! Grotesquely swollen face!  But it was what she said to the cheering crowd after she stumbled onto the shore, supported by two members of her team, that really struck me.  Reading the quote now, it seems like such a basic message--trite, even.  "Never give up, follow your bliss, blah blah blah."  Cyber-land is littered with such affirmational detritus, after all.  Some days it seems like an endless hot-breathed harangue from Ghandi, Rumi and Eleanor Roosevelt exhorting us how to be better, do more, create our own Happiness in 10 Simple Steps. 

But this swimmer's story resonated, for some reason.  She had first tried--and failed--to swim from Cuba to Florida when she was in her twenties.  She waited 33 years before attempting it again.  It wasn't as though she had been idle in the interim; she had accomplished a hell of a lot in the ensuing decades.  But that original dream always beckoned. When she announced her intention to complete the swim in her sixth decade, the naysayers piled on.  She's out of her mind, it's a young person's game, sometimes you just gotta let it go.  But she eased her body into the water, lowered her head, and swam (and swam and swam).  The first three times, she didn't quite make it.  But her fourth and final attempt was a success.  Diana Nyad hoped that her extraordinary feat would be an inspiration to those with as-yet-unrealized dreams to get out there and start chasing them, dammit.  Don't listen to the wasps buzzing in your ear, just put your head down and swim.

So here I am.  In the water, head down,  swimming toward my own long-sought goal.  Being a performing artist is what I was put here to do, so I'm fully committing myself to doing it, naysayers be damned.  Fortunately, I've got a boat-load of people cheering me on, and a rich lifetime's worth of experience, confidence, wisdom and preparation to keep me from drowning. 

I'm deeply grateful for the art that I've been a part of up until now, and it's my intention that the work I do going forward is equally as fine.  My goal is to work with like-minded people who are committed to telling the important stories of humanity, touching hearts and minds in important ways. I want to help illuminate, inspire, and uplift the global consciousness in the way that only art can do.  The earth needs our stories now more than ever.  And so...

Ker-splash!